Friday, September 02, 2005

Tales from Tom: Salt on a Bird's Tail

Oddly enough, this story comes from a sermon that focuses largely on the story of Jesus walking on the water (Matthew 14:22-36). If you're interested in reading the whole sermon (and finding out how Rev. Tom Are, Jr. can get to here from there!), click on the link on the sidebar to the right and select the August 8 sermon. There are plenty of other humorous bits inside, as well.

I was in the second grade… for a long time, actually. I was in the second grade, and my father told me that to catch a bird, you put salt on its tail. I went to him, I said, “Dad, I wanna catch a bird!”

He said, “What?”

I said, “There’re birds all over the back yard. I wanna catch one and keep one.”

Well, that really thrilled my parents, you know? Dad said, “No problem, the way to catch a bird, is you take the salt, and sprinkle it on the [bird’s] tail, and if you get salt on the bird’s tail, he can’t fly! That’s the rules!”

Well, he got considerable joy watching me most of my second grade spring running around the back yard with a salt shaker. I think I killed half the grass out in the back yard. He was counting on my not catching up with the bird. I was counting on catching the bird. Neither one of us counted on my ingenuity.

I built a trap! I got a box, and I put it in the back yard, and I propped it up with this stick. I put, like, a whole loaf of bread in there. A jar of peanut butter. Probably a Twinkee. Some Kool-Aid; I wanted this bird to have a choice of diet, you know? And then, I propped that dude up with a stick, and I tied a string around the stick, and then I went around the garage, and I tied the other end to me, and I watched. And this blue jay flew down there, and he kind of strutted around a while, looking at it, checking it out. And then he went in for his peanut butter sandwich.

I pulled that string, that box came down. That’s the maddest blue jay you ever seen in your life! I had myself a bird, man! And I was excited about it! I put the whole thing on a screen from the window, so I could flip it over. And there’s the box, with the bird in it, and the screen on top, and I’m standing there with a whole box of “when it rains, it pours.”

I got salt on that bird’s tail. I got salt on his head. I got salt on his back. That’s bird was knee-deep in salt! He kept trying to fly around the box, I’m just chasing him, you know, salt everywhere! When I knew he was good and salted, I opened the screen. I pulled up the screen, about that much (holding fingers close together).

My daddy lied to me!

That bird, he barely had room to get out, he flew out so fast, shaking salt on me with every flap!

1 comment:

  1. My daddy *lied* to me!!!! hehe Thanks for the reminder.

    ReplyDelete

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