Wednesday, May 09, 2012

The Writing of Romans

The Apostle Paul - RembrandtI'm finally back from attending my grandfather's funeral. Still pretty tired from two back-to-back weekends of traveling, but I'll get back to my regular posting schedule soon. In the meantime, here is an old piece that was originally printed in the edition of Logos that I edited for my college roughly 17 years ago. I ironically haven't had a copy of my own for most of that time, but Grandma kindly let me keep the one I gave her all those years ago:

The Writing of Romans
by Mark Baker-Wright

Setting: A house in Corinth

Paul: I’m bored. I think I’ll write a letter…
Those Romans need help. I’ll write them.

Tertius: No. I’m bored, too. You tell me what you want to say, and I’ll write it.

Timothy: Make sure to say “Hi” for me!

Gaius: Now, look here! This is my house you guys are staying at! I want in on this, too!

Paul: All right. Say “Hi” from Timothy and Gaius. Now, what do I want to tell these folks? It has to be something very profound, you know. People are going to be reading my letters for centuries.

Timothy: Tell them not to be so hard on their non-Jews. Folks treat me like dirt because of my dad.

Paul: Oh, come on, Tim. Everyone at Lystra always said good things about you.

Timothy: Yeah, sure. But they never let me in on the worship services because I “wasn’t circumcised.”

Paul: Well, that’s not a problem now.

Timothy: Yeah, but that’s not the point. They didn’t care about me. They just wanted me to follow their stupid rules.

Paul: Okay, you’ve made your point. I’ll them to treat their Gentiles better.

Gaius: And make sure to tell them about grace, too. A whole lot of folks around here are starting to get some pretty bad attitudes. Just last Sunday we had an argument over a guy bragging that he helped out at ten homeless shelters last year.

Paul: All right. By the time I’m through with this letter, everyone will feel so worthless that they won’t have any choice but to submit to grace.

Tertius: But make sure that they don’t get the idea that everything is okay, and that no one needs to change anything. We’ve got enough of a problem with that here without letting the Romans act like that!

Paul: Don’t worry, Tertius. I won’t.

Quartus: Hey, guys! What’cha doing?

Timothy: Oh, hi, Quartus.

Paul: We’re writing a letter to the church in Rome. Do you have anything you want me to tell them?

Quartus: A letter? Oh, cool! Tell them to keep their chins up! Things won’t be bad forever!

Paul: Sure thing. Of course, they don’t know the first thing about suffering. Let them walk around in my shoes for a while.

Timothy: Now, Paul. I thought we’d agreed not to complain about that.

Phoebe: And make sure to talk about the salvation of the elect.

Paul: Is the whole town in this room?

Erastus: What’s all the commotion in here?

Gaius: Greetings, commissioner Erastus! We’re writing a letter to the church in Rome.

Erastus: Bully good! The church has done wonders for this community! We’re finally starting to clean up this town!

Paul: (to himself) But we’ve got a loooong way to go.

Tertius: Okay, guys. Now, how are we going to get this to Rome?

Paul: I won’t be there for a long time yet. I’ve got to make a lot of stops on my way to Spain.

Timothy: People need me here.

Gaius: This church won’t hold together if don’t make the refreshments for next week’s service.

Quartus: Don’t look at me! No one’s ever going to hear about me again!

Phoebe: Some men! I’ll deliver the letter! You guys would probably get lost watching the games, anyway.

Paul: Great! Now that we’ve taken care of that, did we say “Hi” from everyone?

Voice: YOU MISSED ONE.

Paul: Oh, thanks. (to Tertius) Make sure to mention God in there, too.

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