Friday, August 17, 2012

The Youth Car Wash

Twin Peaks Car Wash - Flickr - MarkScottAustinTX (14)This entry is patterned off the popular blog, Stuff Christians Like, and was in fact submitted as a possible "Guest Post" for that blog. As it has not appeared there, I feel safe in going ahead with it here.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a family in possession of a car must be in want of getting it washed.

It is similarly true that a Christian family in possession of teenage children must be in want of funds for their youth group.

Just as on that miraculous day when someone first discovered that chocolate and peanut butter are two great tastes that taste great together, the problem of raising money for a church's youth group met up with the problem of cleansing dirty cars, and the Youth Car Wash was born. A group of teenagers, normally adverse to anything involving physical labor, will scrub to their hearts' content provided they can do so with a group of their closest friends wearing only their bathing suits, perhaps with the promise of a church vacation away from their parents awaiting just beyond the horizon.

You know what else Christians like? Prostitution.

OK, so maybe I'm exaggerating the point. It's not like all those half-clothed teenagers are getting it on with each other back in the supply closet.

Or perhaps it is, but it's not like that wasn't happening without the car wash, either.

But what is happening at the car wash is the need to advertise, usually with signs made by taking a magic marker scribbled on posterboard or cardboard, and sending some of the youth out to hold them.

And you know who's holding the signs, right? That's right. It's the cute cheerleaders in the two-piece numbers, sending "come hither" signals to every car that drives by!

And don't try to tell me that all that stuff with the water hose and the soap suds isn't giving kids ideas, either. Good clean fun? Hah!

And this is all being done for money! That's right, we're paying to see our kids involved in these activities!

So, for the sake of decency, to say nothing of the safety of our children, you may want to think twice when the next church fundraiser comes along. Consider something safer, like perhaps a raffle (surely gambling isn't as bad, right?) or maybe a bake sale (no, wait, why are these brownies giving me the munchies?)...

On second thought, just write a check and drop it in the offering plate. That's what you were going to do on Sunday, anyway, right?

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